Living the Impossible
I wake up feeling like a superhero starring in a quirky work-at-home-mom comic book tale of an ordinary life.
I am a morning person. I love mornings. Okay...let me be more honest here...I love mornings after I'm halfway through my first cup of coffee. After that, I'm excited about the possibilities that a new day brings, I'm plotting and scheming on how I'm going to get everything on my 'to do list' done. I wake up feeling like a superhero starring in a quirky work-at-home-mom comic book tale of an ordinary life. And this is the time of day where I get my best work done...midway through my coffee till somewhere just before lunch.
For now, with so many little littles, my "office" is in the living room/art room, so it's not exactly quiet or uninterrupted work time. Before lunch, at least one snack has been prepared and a minimum of three snacks have been requested, and then requested again-this time in a whine.
Several sibling squabbles have been diffused.
A few items out of reach of shorter humans have been retrieved.
A handful of 'probably didn't really need to ask one of your grown-ups this question' questions have been answered.
A handful of insightful questions have been answered.
A train track has been built, and then rebuilt after a flare of drama consumes the 3 year old and he feels compelled to "break that track" to express his feelings.
Several word spellings are requested, several words are spelled to me, or the same word is spelled to me several times.
The dogs have been let out at least once, and the dogs have been scolded for excessive barking in a residential area and brought back in.
A minimum of 5 bath requests are responded to...
All of this before we even get to lunch!
So, naturally, by lunchtime, that morning person is starting to wear off. When I start to lose that wonderful turbo boost of energy and inspiration that I get from the infinite hope and possibility that comes with the sunrise, it starts to feel impossible. The doubts creep in and most days I just float right through them, but then some days, for some reason, I choose to entertain them... 'It's impossible. I can not seriously expect to parent/unschool 4 magical little people and get my creative work done. Ridiculous!'
I find my way to the other side of 'Oh-My-God! I can't do this. This is impossible.'
I lose my superhero clothes and slip into my "paint pants" and whatever shirt that was lying in a pile on the floor but 'doesn't really smell (I don't think)' so it must be clean.
And I push through it. I find my way to the other side of 'Oh-My-God! I can't do this. This is impossible.', and find my way to remembering that I am doing it, obviously. I did it yesterday, and the day before that and the day and before that... and on and on. Just like that. I wake up a superhero and by the end of the day, I might be just an ordinary human... but humans aren't so bad, really.
The end of the day is proof that I am doing it.
There are many moments where the to-do lists are threatening to consume me; moments where the kids are driving me batty with their antics or to distraction with their adorable selves; moments where I feel like I can not possibly get it all done; moments where I feel like I haven't gotten anything done.
Sometimes it's really easy, in those moments, to lose sight of it all.
It's easy to forget that if I just breathe deep, exhale slowly and push forward, it gets done. Sure, we all have those days where we look at the clock and it's already 3 and not a single thing has been checked off of that list, and we've got to start thinking about dinner, and the one that naps is just waking up-- and we're screwed. Nothing's gonna happen today and that's cool. Some days roll like that.
So I may as well relax, take a load off, kick up my feet and enjoy 5 minutes of quiet in my mind (probably not in my house, but yay! for the powers of abstraction!)...and remind myself that tomorrow is a new day. Another sunrise that whispers of hope and possibility.
I just need to remember...
Some days I manage to slip into bed with my cape intact.. Some days I don't. Some days I effortlessly juggle 30 things... Some days I drop the ball.
Life is a beautiful balancing act, and things will all fall into place.
All I have to do is show up everyday to do my work, to love the wee ones, to let my light shine...
And on the days I'm sure it won't work, I have to remind myself that it all gets done, somehow.
It must be getting done, because I'll wake up tomorrow and still be doing it.